Vanny's Telling Everything.: Life As a New Mom

Today is exactly 20 weeks or almost 5 months since I've become a Mom to my very lovely baby girl, Fayth. I am back to working full time and almost completed a month of work now. Looking back, time really flew past fast. It felt like just few moments ago where I was pregnant, to giving birth and recuperating during confinement, then having slight post-partum depression (because baby cried profusely), then finally coming out of it and started finally enjoying motherhood.

Jotting down my overall experience as a new mom for memories to keep. Maybe I can show this to Fayth when she's grown up and tell her how much Mummy & Daddy been through. Haha!

Honest feelings

To be honest before I gave birth to Fayth, I was rather chilled and not that excited at all for her arrival. Neither did I dislike the idea of having a baby, I just did not feel the kind of excitement like my hubs did. I was the type who jumped for joy at the sight of cute animals and rushes over just to touch, but do not show such affection for babies. I've always thought of babies being adorable, but would rather not have one on my own since I was the soloist who loved my freedom. Getting pregnant was one of my biggest decisions in life; I was actually hoping to feel more alive and joyful again. Okay, long story about why I needed something to make me feel happier - to summarize, I came from a broken family and experienced alot growing up. I used to be a really happy girl but grew into a cold person. Despite all the bad times I've been through, deep down I knew this was not who I want to be forever and wanted to let the negative side of me go. For a long time I struggled to come out of it but I myself could not break the walls down on my own, so I thought giving up my freedom in exchange for something or someone to make me a better person was worth it. I know some of you may judge me and think that I may have had the idea of using my baby for my happiness, but really, I believe there are/were many parents who started out not in love with their babies.

Arrival of Fayth

The first few seconds when I saw this full-haired infant carried in my Gynae's hands, I felt a blank - literally not knowing how to feel at that very moment but also I was in a slight shock to see this little human with so much hair, hahaha really. After she was being cleaned and put on my chest for the first time, I did not feel the immediate connection but still was slightly emotional for realising the sudden changes, i.e. change in physical, lifestyle, status, erm everything I guess?

Confinement = Roller Coaster In a Confined Space (your mind)

Mummies usually go through an emotional roller coaster ride after birth because she has a new life to adapt to. From having to accept that baby isn't in her body anymore, to adapting to the new lifestyle, new commitments, breastfeeding issues (if she breastfeeds), handling hormonal changes that affects both physical and emotionally, and overall stress (or additional stress from your family members). I remembered during my second night in the hospital when I was holding my baby and preparing to breastfeed her, for a split second I could not contain my emotions and I cried telling my hubby "she's so cute", lol. During the first week of confinement, I was literally crying every evening as I was feeling stressed from the pressure my mil was giving. My mil was the kind who would "time" baby's feeds and if my baby were to cry earlier for milk she would question about my supply.

Hands-on For The First Time - When My Nanny Left Us

The first night Hubs and I did our night shift, I practically could not sleep 'cuz I was all anxious and filled with anxiety. And soon later we met with an even bigger problem; that my girl would not take her milk quietly - she would cry every time she got hungry, then screamed when we gave her the bottle. This behavior peaked at around her 2nd month to the extend I got into depression the weekend I was left home alone with baby. We tried to change her bottle and teats and it kinda improved but still she was not an easy one to feed. There were times when I questioned myself whether I made the right choice to commit to this new life but I just brushed the thought off since it is my responsibility to be a Mother to my newborn. I miss the times where I latched her bcuz she would drink quietly every time I gave her (.)(.) - surely something I look forward to for my next! Just FYI, she was initially on Avent Natural Bottle but hated it so much and we finally changed to Pigeon's Peristaltic bottles - life saver!

Babies Grow Up Fast

Seeing my baby grow up so fast makes me feel so different at every stage.
1st month - happy, sad, exhausted, stressed.

2nd month - depressed, stressed, and more depressed.

3rd month - slight relief of depression, getting a hang of the routine.

4th month - depression and fear of feeding baby almost gone, and starting to really enjoy the quality time spent with baby.

Many parents complain that their babies grow too fast and wished for time to stop. For me, I embrace every age they're at and look forward to their next. Ever since I've started working, things got alot better and I appreciate the quality time spent with Fayth much much more. Every moment that she's awake, I'll be there to play or watch her - to the extend I could also feel her reciprocate.

If you remember at the start of this post I mentioned I've never had a thing for babies, I do now and Im in love with her! I never thought I was capable of having such feelings and to answer my own question; no! It was surely a right choice!

Life as a new mom made me change in some ways, im sure some Mummies could relate. For those of you who aren't a Mummy yet, well, I would say you really couldn't relate until you've experienced it for yourself!

1. Over Protective of Baby

Whenever I baby-wear Fayth while shopping and someone bangs into me, I naturally give a "death stare". Like "Ay, you walk and not watch where you are headed cannot see a woman carrying a sleeping baby one meh"?! Mother's instinct; more like tigeress (aka "Mu Lao Hu"). Hahaha.

2. Jealousy

Sometimes I feel strange but I do get jealous at times. I try not to feel this way 'cuz I'd feel petty if I do, but strangely I still do. *bleah* E.g. when hubs plays with her and leaves me aside when we're out, or when someone talks to her and mentions all about themselves (example) "You love Daddy"?, "Only Daddy plays with you hor", and when I see someone kissing her too often. Its not an issue despite the feelings of jealousy, bcuz I am glad that my hubby is pretty hands-on with her and also the affection from my family and friends.

3. Change in Fashion Sense

Just one word to describe my current fashion - COMFORT. Lol!

Anything comfy that's at least decent-looking is all the criteria it takes to make it to my current wardrobe, especially during the weekends. I hardly wear makeup anymore, and even if I do its just concealer just not to look like a zombie. Always in flats and sneaks, shorts and pants. Hair is always up 'cuz this girl can really pull! Accessories kept to bare minimal; only wear necklaces when I'm at work and the rest of the time with her I'll have my Fitbit and wedding ring on. Before I became a mom, I always thought of diaper bags to be very "Auntie" (aka look old). Now I'm considering one b'cuz of the way it helps to keep everything organised so its easy to look for things quickly - efficiency and functionality is what us parents want.

4. Wefies

Wefie after birth, breastfeeding, shopping, bedtime, day time, any time - you get the point.

5. Comparing Own Baby Photos with Baby's Photos

I think most Mummies are guilty as charged? And yes I know we don't look anything alike, she takes on her Dad for looks and some of my weird physical features like long lashes and hairy body. Haha.

6. Shopping for Baby's Stuff and Falling Victim for Over-Priced Items

New parents tend to over shop for baby and even buying over-priced items just bcuz it seems to be the best for the little one. I had no plans to own any baby carriers or diaper bags bcuz it was given free but ended up due to needs, had to get one. Not only that I got one, I got the more expensive ones.. e.g a baby carrier that costs $300+ with some accessories, and a diaper bag that costs close to $300. We even got a set of self-warming milk bottles that cost a few hundreds but ended up not using. This we'll probably have to keep for our next. Oh ya, Babyspa was also a big splurge. Tsktsk*

7. Baby-Wear Everywhere

Before I got a TULA baby carrier, I slung Fayth in a BABA Sling every time we were out. I even tried to sling her at home during days she was alot more cranky just to put her to sleep. Now that I've got a TULA baby carrier, I baby wear her out on my own on weekends when hubs needs to work and I'll take Fayth out gai-gai (aka shopping). When I say everywhere, literally everywhere.... even in the loo. Hahaha.. Too much info eh. Hello, you imagine going out on your own, there wouldn't be anyone to hold your baby except yourself. So yea.. Btw if in case you were wondering about my TULA, its a standard canvas baby carrier in Puppylove and I got mine from Bumwear @ Marina Square. You could read about my previous post on baby wearing here. You're welcome.

8. Sleep Less and Work More

Im lucky to be one of those who could survive with little sleep; the most i'll get neck aches and that would lead me to having tension headaches. Most night shifts are done by me (credits to hubs who helps me on some nights), I work in the day and return home in the evening busy with all her stuff. I'd have to have a quick dinner, bathe her, bathe myself, do her laundry, do our laundry, massage and feed her then put her to bed. That's a typical routine. Can't imagine breastfeeding Mummies who'd have to pump on top of everything. Kudos Mummies! Besides the usual routine for baby & I, I still try to fit in time for workouts. Being a busy Mummy doesn't give any excuse to be less fit & healthy. Being a busy Mummy isn't any excuse to forgo personal grooming. Whoah, busy but fulfilling.

9. Acquire a New Language - Baby Talk

I never knew how to do baby talk. That's also partly the reason why I don't play with babies. I feel strange or embarrassed making those squeaky sounds or take in cutesy voices. Now, im totally comfortable and good at it. You know you're good at it when your baby smiles or laughs at your goofy faces.

10. Joining Mum's Group and Reading Mummies Group Posts on Facebook

When I was still a pregger, my friend who already became a first-time-dad recommended me a few support groups on Facebook telling me how informative they were for him and his wife. At first I was doubtful about joining such groups, but I tell you, eventually most of my help came from such support groups. It was really useful to join respective groups for the kind of help you need. E.g. breastfeeding group, Mummy's group, baby wearing group, etc. Till today, most of my time on Facebook mostly dedicates to reading posts from parent's support groups as well as commenting to help new parents.

11. Talk About Babies All The Time

Mummy meets another Mummy = talk about babies. Lol. #lifeasamom

So that kinda sums up the new life I have as a new mom. Hope you enjoyed reading my post and if you'd like to read more of my writings do follow me for more updates.

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Cheers and stay tuned for more. ; )